Question: “Where does morning wood come from?”

Dan Savage: “It’s a little present from Jesus. It’s Jesus letting you know He loves you, and that everything still works. It doesn’t really matter where it comes from. It matters where it’s going. Don’t let it go to waste.” 

So began the May 8^th episode of MTV’s Savage U (Tuesdays, 11:00 p.m. ET), the Worst Cable TV Show of the Week. The alleged anti-bullying bully (who recently bullied Christian teenagers) routinely bullies Christian culture on his program; but this week, having gotten his token hatred of traditional morality out of the way early, Savage was able to move onto more scintillating subjects -- like uncontrollable masturbation, sex toys, and genital size.  

As always, the show alternated between Savage’s semi-standup schtick of answering audience questions like “"After sex my boyfriend likes to use a dildo on me. This makes me orgasm a lot…I've ruined my mattress before from it," “What’s a polite way to ask your partner to use sex toys?,”  and, of course, "What should I do in that awkward moment the guy puts in the wrong hole?," and Savage in his role of “sensitive counselor,” in which he advised Ashley to enjoy masturbating six times a day (even though she specifically asked him to help her stop, as doing so interferes with her studying), complimented Estephanie for having sex with her boyfriend in a car while someone else was driving, and told Nick to stop having intercourse with his girlfriend, so that he could concentrate on pleasuring her in other ways. (It was no doubt a radical “first” for Savage to tell anyone to stop having sex, no matter what the circumstances.)  

MTV presents Savage U as advice to young college students (though, as MTV head David Janollari has admitted, the program is actually targeting 12 year olds). But in addition to its non-stop glorification of meaningless promiscuity and bashing of traditional morality, one as-yet-unremarked-upon facet of the program is deeply disturbing: the way in which it exploits teens and young adults. 

In its shift from music videos to its so-called “reality” programming, MTV has begun exploiting the very teen audience it hopes to attract..and such exploitation has the potential to tremendously damage the show's participants in the future. It can be argued that, while MTV exploits the participants on programs like Jersey Shore and reduces their personalities and very names to a joke, at least such individuals are in some small way compensated for their humiliation. The cast members are paid; some have been able to parlay their fame into non-showbiz ventures; and some, like Pauly D, Snooki, and JWoWW, have current or upcoming spin-off series on MTV itself. 

But no such compensation can be forthcoming for the participants on Savage U. Undoubtedly, those profiled on the show are required to sign some kind of waiver indemnifying MTV against potential legal action; but while this provides MTV with legal cover, what of the ethics of the situation? What will Estephanie’s reputation – among her fellow students, among her parents and family, among potential future employers – be like? Will those interviewing her for her first job happily hire “the girl who has sex in moving cars with someone else driving”? What kind of humiliation will Ashley be subjected to, with everyone who meets her knowing she is the girl who cannot concentrate on work due to her incessant masturbation? How will Nick’s – how will any of their – future relationships progress, should their current ones not work out? 

Of course, young people have been doing ill-advised things since time immemorial; but never before have such intimate indiscretions been blared internationally via television; and never before has there been such an ability for such mistakes to stay with an individual throughout their entire future.  

Some would argue that, if Ashley and the others were not on television, they would just be posting such information on Facebook. But such an argument is disingenuous. Even on Facebook, the reach of the information would be somewhat limited, as only people who have some slight acquaintance with Ashley would have access to it. But on MTV, millions of people all over the world do.

Furthermore, such arguments miss the real point: while Ashley et al. volunteered to appear on MTV and expose their secrets, they did so at least in part because they were desperate to resolve their problems by obtaining advice from Dan Savage, whom MTV has deliberately positioned as some sort of wise counselor.

Yet, this pathetic desire for aid on the part of the teens seeking advice is maliciously mocked by the network, which ends each episode with an “update” on the unfortunate advice seekers. If it is possible for an obnoxious, sneering smirk to be conveyed only through words on a screen, MTV does so with phrases like, “Ashley is more accepting of her sex drive. She continues to enjoy her study breaks,” or “Estephanie and her boyfriend are engaged. They’re planning an outdoor wedding” – phrases which do nothing save rub the teens’ faces in their own prior humiliation by reminding viewers about their situations.

Thus, MTV is ruthlessly exploiting young people’s desperation and misguided faith in Dan Savage, in order to make millions of dollars from advertisers (and millions more from every cable and satellite subscriber in America, all of whom are forced to support MTV with their monthly fees). With Savage’s aid, the former “music television” is now gleefully destroying the lives of its very own viewers…all for the sake of profit. As a result, MTV’s Savage U definitely deserves recognition for being the Worst Cable TV Show of the Week.  

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